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<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
03 March 2005 @ 04:49 pm
Wow so it's already March and my apartment lease is almost up... Ugh I'm so not ready to go looking for a new place right now. I'm actually really happy here. I love my neighbors, the ones I once hated ;-) But I dunno, ya gotta do wattcha gotta do. I'm off to be bymyself soon. Living completly on my own. I guess that's a good thing, in a way. I'm definitely not ready for that at all. I really like living with Jordan... Well, I used to. I don't like living with him anymore cause things are so different now. I feel like I'm constantly being placed second with him. It's not even a feeling, it's the truth. He's just... not into me anymore. I often wonder why I let myself get hurt so bad by him but the truth is, I love him and want to share my lifetime with him. But honestly, how do you love someone that hurts you so bad? I wish I could answer that or just understand it.

I was having a hard time sleeping last night so I did a lot of thinking. A lot about Jordan and myself. It's not that I'm giving up or going to anytime soon... But instead of my oh so high hopes of him and I... I'm starting to see the truth. We might not be together forever.... We might even break up soon, who knows. It's hard realizing this stuff. I guess it's also good though, that I am seeing it. I've become somewhat stronger and I'm not filled up on false hope. I will miss him if we don't work out. He will always be apart of me no matter what, and I stand by that with my word. I love him more than I have ever loved another person. Possibly I love him more than I can handle. It's easy being cold hearted but it's so rewarding to open up your heart and soul to another human being. Just totally relying on that person for everything... If you need to talk, cry on their shoulder, can't reach that itchy spot on your back... they're always there for you. But when you're in a relationship where you WANT to be able to talk to them, even cry to them and you can't... It's almost like having a bad friend that's never there for you. But obviously it's a lot easier to 'dump' a friend. Uhhh and the jealousy... Not even over a girl.. Just being jealous of his guy friends cause they get to see him and talk to him more than I do... GRrrr.

I'm totally rambling and making no sense... I'm just getting pissed off at the things I should totally not give a shit about. If things are going to work out, they will. I sit here sad. I sit here thinking. Fuck sitting here! I can't be the only one trying! I can't be the only one caring. There is no such thing as "having enough love for the two of us," even though I do. I should kick myself everytime I think bad stuff about our relationship, I really should. I need to get on with my life. Maybe we'll work out... Maybe I'll be single again. YUCK. I'm so not afraid of being single but I'm so afraid of starting over with someone new. Getting to know all their flaws and ticks... basically 'training' them. I don't ever want to do that again. I do know that if Jordan and I don't work out... I have learned SOOO much from him about relationships and I definitely won't make the same mistakes again. I just hate the thought of another man. I can't look at a guy and imagine wanting to be intimate with him... it makes me gag. Ppl tell me I would get over that if that were the case and I hope so, if the worst happens. I don't want to be a lonely, unhappy, woman the rest of my life...

Well that's my phone... the neighbor is comin up... I'll finish this later
 
 
Current Mood: confusedconfused
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
28 February 2005 @ 11:49 pm
It's been awhile... I have so much to say but at the same time... I don't feel like saying it all...

It was mine and Jordan's 1 year anniversary the 25th. I love him so much. I hope I never lose him =*(

..........He's my world
 
 
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Iron Chef
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
03 December 2004 @ 08:54 pm
OoooHhhh My goDD it's fuckin COLD! Burrr. I hate the winter so much... I think I've been saying that since it hasn't been 70 degrees but geesh... I just want warmth and SUNLIGHT!

So X-mas is fuckin RIGHT around the corner... Mrs. Procrastinator ME still hasn't even started, not that I even have any money but, eh, I could still be looking. I'm pretty sure I know all that I'm getting Jordan... I can't really say it here cause who knows if he ever checks this. That'd be totally weird th0 I guess. I dunno... He's my bf, we live together.. I kinda come on here to bitch and moan. But if he does... More power to him for not complaining about all that I say.

Besides the cold weather and Santa coming soon... We have new neighbors under us. I hate them. I hate them both. This is only the second day of the living here but UGH I hate them. This young married couple, about 25... All I can really say about them is they listen to their music LOUD AS FUCK ALLLLLLLLLLL DAY AND ALLLLLLLLLL NIGHT LONG. Not I'm not one to complain much, wait a second - yes I do?, but I don't understand how you can go about your business all day long when the music is blasting where you can feel the bass pounding at your feet. I listen to my music a lot but, somewhat quietly. I have some decency for other ppl. So, that's why I hate them. OH and the fact that they're the first apt. when you enter the building... I don't care about that of course but I do care about the fact that they ARE the first apt. when you walk in and they leave their GARBAGE outside their door. Fuck that.. I'm about to gather up my garbage and just put it in front of that fuckin door. I guess we really do have some trashy, annoying neighbors.

>> Phew <<

That felt good :-)

So Rob's back in town... Fun times tonight! Last night I did EXTREMELY well at beer pong. I'm quite proud of myself... Hopefully we'll play some'more tooooonight! Well i'm out.. I did my ranting for the moment... I'm sure I have Waaaaay more but.. That's enough for now ;-)

*smo0ches*
Kandy
 
 
Current Mood: coldFUCKING COLD
Current Music: My bones shivering cause NY sucks...
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
26 November 2004 @ 10:35 pm
I'm so fuckin miserable......
 
 
Current Mood: sadBad Fucking Day
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
23 November 2004 @ 12:58 pm
So far this week has been pretty fun... Rob and Erin came to Rochester for Thanksgiving break early and we've all been hanging out since. They're fun ppl. A lot of drinking n stuff... But basically it gets Jordan off my back. Like for instance right now, I'd be HAVING to watch him play Grand Theft Auto. But now... Rob and him are doing it together! Just shit like that, it's great. The only thing is, when we fight... I can't send him in the guest bedroom. Oh well.

It's almost fuckin Christmas and I still don't have a damn job... Ugh I'm so fuckin terrible... Today... Actually RIGHT NOW... I'm gunna go to Kohls and drop off that fuckin application... LataH
 
 
Current Mood: tiredSleepy from JUST waking up
Current Music: GTA in the backround
 
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
14 November 2004 @ 01:56 pm
Oh yes, there is another member to our little family... Penelope! Hahah... A couple days ago Jordan and I bought a gerbil. Lol. Yeah yeah. We went to the pet shop looking to buy a bird and we come out with a rodent. The birds were way too expensive and I wouldn't settle for nothing. She's great... She doesn't even do anything.. Haha... I have one of those balls she can walk around the house in and she'll just sit in the ball for hours and never move. Total opposite of our insane dog that we have. Oh Flava Flav died.. Nahh not the real guy, that one fish of ours that I hated... Ugh I hated that one fish. But O.D.B died... Bummer? He was a bastard, an old dirty one ;-)

Uhh.. I have to go to the mall with Ashley very soon and I'm fucking slackin like a mother fucker... I just hate walking around the mall not being able to buy anything... Oh well... It'll still be fun =/ I must get goin before she starts calling and bitching... LataH
 
 
Current Mood: rushedrushed
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
Okay, so maybe it's not THAT shitty, maybe it's not that shitty at all... Either way, Jordan and I are taking a break. A LONG awaited break. We just can't go a day without bickering over nonesence. Soooo... I broke the news today, he didn't take it very well at all.. And now I have this shit from him that I don't love him and that I don't want to be with him. Whoever said a break is a bad thing? We've been together 249 days out of the 250 days we've been dating... Well.. that's just a guess but, you get the point. We've been living together for 7 months... Before that we were inseparable. I just need a small break. No bullshit on the side... Just a little time apart, which won't be much considering we live together. I don't want anyone else, I'm not even looking for someone new. I don't get it. He's so insecure about me it makes me think he has something on his mind. Maybe he's the bad guy and trying to make me it? I dunno... But... Doesn't 'Distance makes the heart grow stronger?' So what's the biggie? I love him, I just need to prove to myself that i can't live without him. If I can... that's that. I'm moving on.

Anyway, I went to Erica's tonight just to get out of the house. Jordan stayed home from work and I just didn't want to be around him. Everytime I see him I just want to cuddle with him and give him tons of kisses and all that mushy junk... But that's not gunna help our break is it? Nope. So I went over there. Her, Jess, and I hung out for a few hours but.. Now I'm back home. Wo0. I'd go out again, somewhere else but.. It's too damn cold out and I just don't feel like driving again. I wanted to be home before Jordan came back anyway. So... I'm out.. I have nothing else to say. Well I do, I don't think I can ever run out of bullshit and drama but.. Enough for today..

Ciao,
Kandy
 
 
Current Mood: crazyFucking Insane
Current Music: Stabbing Westward
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
08 November 2004 @ 12:02 am
So tonight Jordan took me out to the movies... Saw Saw ;) It was good. Pretty fuckin creepy if ya ask me. I totally recommend it th0... It was more creepy than scary but it had its intense moments. But anyway, what I'm trying to get at... As soon as we get back home to our apartment we noticed that one of the apartments door was open, a vacant one, and as we walk by the door slowly creeps shut. So we were slightly freaking out.. OOoOooh no the boogie man is gunna get us. So we call Rob and tell him, he comes over.. But the boys were still too pussy to check it out so we call the cops... 45 minutes this woman officer shows up, checks the place out. Nothing. Fuckin scaredy cat kids go to see a movie and come home and call the cops. Hahah.. I'd say that's pretty fuckin hillarious. But all in all, we're safe. The boogie man isn't living underneath us. I dunno th0, I haven't checked all our closets... Duh duh duh ;-)

Hahaha

G'night
*smo0ches*
 
 
Current Mood: giddyFuckin Goof Ball'ish
Current Music: Radio...
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
05 November 2004 @ 12:16 pm
I can't believe it's almost winter. It's been getting colder and colder out eachday and I fuckin hate it.. Blah. But........... it's almost ChRiStMaS!!!

So yeah.. I'm completely broke... I need to get a job but I'm just having so much fun not having to work. The only reason I'm prolly gunna go out and find one VERY soon is cause I'm so sick of the shit from Jordan. It's not like I fuckin take his money. I think he's almost jealous of that fact that I don't work because he's been working 7 days a week lately and he hates his job. I dunno.. I feel bad and I want to be able to go back to buying him things and just being able to have cash in my pocket.

Last night this kid Jeff I was friends with a long time ago called me up and he came over and chilled for a little bit.. Then Ashley and I dragged him to target and made him shop with us. Him and his girl are going through a tough breakup so.. I'm here for the kid... What can I say, girls are assholes sometimes. After that I dropped him off.. Ash and I watched the O.C. which I was completly lost watching cause I've never seen the show before but, I liked it. Went to Anthony's for a bit. I really miss that kid. He was a good friend of mine until Jordan came along. I'm gettin over that th0. He needs to learn to trust me so I can have my friends back.. And that's what I'm slowly doing. I get all this shit from ppl about how Jordan and I aren't that great and I shouldn't be so miserable about him all the time but the truth is, I really love him. Things will change in the future.. It's only been 8 months. Give us a break. Some of his friends are really worried about us and it kinda scares me. Just the fact that I have so many ppl telling me I can do better but they don't know everything. Yeah he does have an anger issue and a jealousy one, and him being unsecure but.. he does do a lot for me when he's not being a shithead. And that's the Jordan I like... Speaking of which, cause I'm just dragging this on and on, I think I'm gunna go wake him up :-)

LataH
Kandy
 
 
Current Mood: coldFuckin Freezing
Current Music: Jordan snoring :-)
 
 
<~*`PrYnCeSs DaViS`*~>
29 October 2004 @ 11:30 am
"We're In This Together"

I've become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flow down the path we
have chose

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
they pick and they pull
trying to get their fingers in
well they've got to kill what we've found
well they've got to hate what we fear
well they've got to make it go away
well they've got to make it disappear

the farther I fall I'm beside you
as lost as I get I will find you
the deeper the wound I'm inside you
for ever and ever I'm a part of

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

all that we were is gone we have to hold on
all that we were is gone we have to hold on
when all our hope is gone we have to hold on
all that we were is gone but we can hold on

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
even after everything
you're the queen and I'm the king
nothing else means anything
 
 
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: Kinda Obvious Huh?